Mommy's home; Emily's not

I was discharged from the hospital last night but Emily had to stay because she failed the Car Seat Breathing Tolerance Test again. The pediatrician on-call (our pediatrician has a 2 week old baby and is still on maternity leave) recommended that we purchase a "preemie" car seat and try that to see if it would help. It didn't. So the pediatrician ordered that Emily go into the NICU to see the car seat "specialist." She had to stay overnight in the regular nursery and then transfer to the NICU this morning. There are two things that could happen if she fails the test again. First, she could stay in the hospital until her breathing improves while she is strapped in the car seat. They will continue to test her and then will release her when it is safe. The interesting thing is, we thought this had to do with lung maturity, a common problem with a baby born at 35 weeks. The charge nurse from the NICU came to visit us before we left the hospital last night and she said that it probably has nothing to do with lung maturity and more to do with positioning in the car seat. Her little body probably has a hard time keeping her head up and her chin probably drops down to her chest, cutting off her oxygen supply. (The nurse we spoke to had not been there for any of the tests that Emily had failed but gathered that from the fact that Emily doesn't seem to have any other breathing problems except in the car seat.) The other thing that could happen is the NICU could recommend a "Car Bed." Nobody could give us too many details about the Car Bed I guess because it is pretty rare for a baby to have to go home in one. Most babies in the NICU that would require a Car Bed have other health issues that have to be resolved before they can be discharged. It appears as though this is the only problem that Emily is having so nobody that we spoke to can really explain what might happen. The Car Bed is like a car seat, the baby gets strapped in and everything, but is in a completely horizontal position, from what I understand. Car Beds are not available for regular purchase and would have to be cleared by the pediatrician before they would let a baby leave the hospital in one. I guess the hospital provides one if they decide that it would be the best way to go? We don't really know the answer to that.

I called the hospital a few minutes ago and Emily has already transferred to the NICU and they are conducting the test as I am typing this. They were using the preemie car seat for the initial test. I am to call back in an hour to get the results of the test.

It was nearly impossible to leave Emily at the hospital last night. We knew prior to delivery that a stay in the NICU was possible but then they said everything was fine and she was able to sleep in my room and it appeared that she was going to be able to come home with us and there would be no more chance of her needing extra medical attention. We had no idea that there was a Car Seat Tolerance Test (they call it a "study" and I recommended they change the name to something that would convey to parents that the successful passing of the "study" would be required before the baby would be released from the hospital). We thought it was a safety test, to make sure the baby was buckled in correctly, etc. As it turns out, I'm glad they do this kind of test - it would be horrible if we were driving Emily home and something tragic happened because she couldn't breathe properly and we had no idea that anything was wrong. So, I'm glad they do this test - they require it for any baby that is born less than 37 weeks gestation. I just wish that our little one was a bit stronger and didn't have to be put through all of this. And I wish that insurance would have let me stay in the hospital as long as my baby girl had to stay there. Alas, that is not the case. I have never had to do anything as difficult as leaving my newborn baby behind in the hands of strangers. I completely trust the caregivers in the nursery and especially in the NICU but it still was SO HARD to leave her there. I'm anxious to get back to the hospital to hold her and love on her. I really enjoyed coming home, showering in my own shower, sleeping in my own bed (haven't been home in 2 weeks and a day) but I'd trade that to be with Emily in a heartbeat. Funny how motherhood changes your perspective on things. Please pray that Emily is strong enough to hold her head up in one of the car seats so she can come home soon.

For those of you wondering about my dad... after today he has 3 more treatments of radiation and will be done on Friday. He is really having a hard time eating and has lost a lot of weight because of it. I hope that he has seen the worst of it, but we can't be sure until everything is said and done. (I've been told it will probably get a bit worse before it gets better.) He is incredibly strong and I can't imagine going through that kind of treatment. I hope everything heals as quickly as possible.

Thanks for all the extra prayers for our family. We'll keep in touch.